


When He Was Moze

by PeterStark



Series: The Stag and the Fox [3]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Cursed Will Graham, Curses, Drowning, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Falling In Love, First Time, God of Death Hannibal, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Death in Childbirth, Love, M/M, Mentions of non-con, Not Beta Read, Protective Hannibal Lecter, Protectiveness, Reincarnation, Someone Help Them, Someone Help Will Graham, Sort Of, Suicide, Suicide Notes, The Author Regrets Everything, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, True Mates, Virgin Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28564500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeterStark/pseuds/PeterStark
Summary: In a few years, Hanni hadn't snapped, hadn't realized he was chasing a lover that was gone. Moze had grown into the borrowed clothes all too well...and he hated it. He hated it because he didn't want to run away. He liked it when Hanni touched him in passing. He liked the cherishing looks and the kindness and love.He'd never felt any of this before. He felt like he belonged somewhere, with someone. He felt loved, cherished. And his whole life he'd only ever felt like the other. Which made it all the worse.Hanni didn't love Moze. Hanni loved his lost lover: Masayi.It broke Moze's heart a bit at a time.He wished that he WAS Masayi, so that the love Hanni had in his heart would be truly his.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Series: The Stag and the Fox [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085435
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	When He Was Moze

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags, there is suicide in this fic. Be safe, everyone.  
> Also, don't read this one first, you'll be confused. I'm still going with the Supernatural-esque approach where all the gods and religions live in the same universe, because yeah.  
> I have been having an awful time as of late, there is a pile of unfinished fics I need to work on, but this one is the only one that's writing right now so...here ya go.  
> Will is Masayi/Moze.  
> I own nothing.

Moze knew for a long time that his village would sacrifice him to their god. He'd been hated since he was born. When his mother had fallen pregnant with him, she'd had horrible nightmares of death and antlers of all things. During his birth she'd died, torn and bled out. Before that she said her child would kill her, piercing her on antlers. Sure, it was stupid, he'd been born a normal child (antler free) and it wasn't as if women didn't die in birth sometimes. But...the village hated him. He could look at them and see it.

While he was normal, he was also abnormal. He could look at people and KNOW them, understand them. So he knew that they'd planed to sacrifice him to the goddess on the mountain. People so often rejected what they couldn't explain. And Moze couldn't explain why he could see into people's souls. He wasn't a witch, he hadn't practiced the skill he had. He'd done it since he could remember. 

They'd send him to the alter as the summer after he was sixteen. No one who went to the alter in the summer ever came back...and a bloody mess was always left behind. He'd die and maybe it was alright. He couldn't stand being around all these people, feeling their hatred for him. His father, bless him, tried to love him, but it never really worked. The resentment was there between them.

He was a bit upset that he'd be offered to a goddess. Something about gods and goddesses left a bitter taste in Moze's mouth. He didn't like them, nor put much thought into worshipping them.

After he turned sixteen, he said goodbye to his father. 

"Why are you saying that?"

"Come summer, they'll serve me to Ninhursag. I know they will. So, I figured I'd handle my goodbyes now. No fuss for later, right?"

His father looked at him, then looked down in shame and said nothing else. Their tiny home was silent through winter and spring.

And, it was just like Moze thought. Come summer, he woke in the night, tied, nude to the alter. He felt sore, bruised. Had they dropped him? Would a goddess appreciate her sacrifice being wounded? Offered up to the goddess Ninhursag, next to furs, meats, wine, and what little fruit made it through the cold. He waited, quiet. There was no use fighting. 

The air was surprisingly warm, perhaps something to do with sacred land. The stone was warm under him as moonlight shone down.

"At least it's a beautiful night to die." He reasoned and let his head fall back against the stone. He stared up at the sky. He'd had such a short, pitiful existance. But he didn't really fit in. Everyone who met him hated him. His village literally served him on a stone platter next to a full roasted pig. They were singing songs of praise below, he could hear them echoing through the trees and over the cliffs and rocks that came between the alter and the village below.

Supposedly, Ninhursag came to the alter when the songs were over.

It wouldn't be too long.

Maybe death wouldn't be such a bad thing. He looked at the stars. He was always the outcast, wrong, broken somehow. Maybe the gods themselves wouldn't take such a flawed thing back. His village had denied him, perhaps Ninhursag would too. Maybe she'd find him an unworthy sacrifice and just leave him like the rest had. He wasn't sure if he'd live or die...either way...it was such a nice night.

Then again...he could get out of this, flee or maybe she wouldn't want him. Perhaps outsmart the goddess and create his own life. He wouldn't mind living on his own in the forest. Perhaps with some clever wolves.

"You're supposed to come after the songs end." Moze commented dryly. He could tell she was there, even if he couldn't see her. He heard her, even over the music.

"I like to see if my sacrifice can harmonize with the songs. Like to hear the noises they make and see if they are musical."

"I'm not much of a singer, sorry." Moze apologized.

A soft, beautiful hum filled the air, one of appreciation. "What you lack in musicality is surely made up by your beauty." Ninhursag leaned over him, her hands on the stone as her pink eyes admired him. "A beauty indeed. You nearly glow in the moonlight. And all that lovely skin...untouched." Her eyes looked hungry.

"You would accept the cast off of the village? Sorry, Ninhursag, but they didn't send me here as an offering to you, they sent me here because they found me to be lacking, a pest. They aren't honoring you, they're dishonoring me. I probably don't even taste good."

"Their loss to deny such beauty...I'm sure your taste is just fine." She leaned back and cupped her chin as she eyed him. "But my you have a clever tongue, nothing like the others. I find I quite like you...and I'd like to know what other uses you have for that tongue."

"None, really." Moze said, looking at her. Oh. OH. She wasn't there to make a feast of him or kill him, though she would. She wanted something else. "I'm not the offering...am I?"

She ran her hand down her golden dress, stopping over her lower stomach. "You are not, but you have what I need."

Moze looked harder, trying to see more. Some part of him knew he could grasp the truth of her if he just looked harder. "You have a lover, why not go to him? He could give you better than me."

"He is a pig! He took me and had no right to. He didn't WANT me, he just wanted to know no one else could and that I could have no one... He punished me."

"The goddess of fertility and he denies you children. That's...cruel. So you try to make it happen elsewhere." Moze sighed in understanding. "Ah, that's why the women die remarkably less bloody. You simply kill them...the men you destroy if...WHEN they fail to give you what you want."

"I only have one night on this planet. One night unchained to that beast. Gods won't touch me now that I'm claimed. Humans though... I'll have what I desire. You'll give it to me...such a beauty too. You'll give me wonderful children." She reached out and stroked down his stomach, toying with his skin. "Such a pretty young thing."

Moze flinched away from her touch. It felt wrong, repulsive, ugly, evil. He wanted to scratch off the flesh she'd touched, wanted to crawl out of it. She violated him...and hadn't even touched his privates. "Don't touch me." Something was horribly wrong with it. He couldn't stand her touch. She wasn't RIGHT. He'd never been touched much, but he'd never felt this sort of repulsion. He disliked people passively touching him, but his insides had never had this visceral a reaction before.

It didn't matter how gorgeous she was, how alluring her body, her face, her smile, even her anger and need for justice were beautiful to Moze. He loathed her touch. He didn't want it.

"Y-you..." Her eyes widened and she stumbled back a step. "You're...oh."

"Please don't touch me."

Ninhursag stared at him, shock on her face. She looked up at the moon as if gauging the time. "What were you called? When you were born, what were you called?"

Were? Moze wondered. "Moze."

"Moze. I will grant you the most beautiful gift. Soon, you will have much power. So much power. Remember me and bring me justice when you have that power. Promise me? Promise me you will bring justice?"

"If you never touch me again. I promise."

Her eyes watered in joy. "He will come...he will have you. Don't forget me." She vanished.

Well, he wasn't going to be touched by her, that was a relief. He had no clue what she wanted of him though. He had no power, nothing to offer her...save that which she'd nearly taken. He shivered.

Moze shifted his hands, the shackles at his right wrist were a little loose. Maybe if he slipped his hand out he could go. And yet...Ninhursag had said 'he'd have you.' Who was he? Did Ninhursag intend to sell Moze to some different god?

Moze didn't really want to sit around and find out. The life of isolation really was the preferable idea when faced with death. He started to work toward his freedom.

A breath caught in the air.

Moze froze, absolutely still, as if rattling the chains would provoke what was out there. And there was something out there. He knew it. And it was a predator. Someone far stronger than him. Moze was in no position to run or fight. Was it a bear? Moze turned his head and his brow wrinkled.

It was no monster. Instead, it was a beautiful man with cheekbones that might be capable of cutting skin. He wasn't from the village. His eyes were dark, focused on Moze, his dark pink lips parted in awe. "You look beautiful...though I cannot see all of you...so...human." The man strode forward. "You are bruised. Did she hurt you?"

"No." Moze found himself answering once his vocal cords worked. He...couldn't SEE this man. It was the first time in his life that Moze felt blind. Sure, he could see his exterior, but Moze was used to seeing and feeling so much more than that. With this man, he could only infer off his face. He looked awed, happy tears were in his eyes, but there was fury there too. Murderous rage. Was it toward Moze?

The man leaned forward and began to undo Moze's bindings...by snapping the metal like a foot snaps a twig. He took a deep breath through his nose. "Someone touched you, those that put you here touched you...disrobed you, I should kill them. SHE touched you. I should have her offending hand for it...but she did tell me where you were." He gently cupped Moze's face in his hands. "Do you know who I am?"

Moze stared into those dark eyes, remaining as still as possible to not cause the predator to attack. "S-should I?" Moze wasn't used to not knowing people. He could even know strangers. He'd known more about the goddess than he did this beautiful man...beautiful beast...

Tears ran down the man's face. "In time, you will." He ran his hands down Moze's front, and down his arms and legs, as if trying to get the touch of others off of Moze.

This touch...didn't feel repulsive or wrong, nor did it exactly feel safe. He didn't know what this strange man was...if he was a man. It frightened Moze. But he didn't seem like he wanted to hurt Moze, the way the villagers often did, nor did he seem to want to take advantage of him, the way Ninhursag had.

"My name is Hanni." The man, Hanni, shucked his cloak and wrapped it around Moze, gentle, tender. "You are mine as I am yours." Hanni leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Moze felt like he'd been set on fire. No one had touched him before, not in a pleasant way. He pulled away, his face hot. He looked down at the ground.

Hanni made a pained noise, then lifted him in a gentle hold. "You are so young...still so beautiful in the moonlight."

"I'm sorry, but I've never met you. I'm not who you think."

"You are exactly who I think you are, beloved. You just don't know it." Hanni said, continuing on his path.

"Where are you taking me?" Moze asked.

"I will take you to my home. I will surround you in comfort and warmth...fill your belly with food...help you relax. You must be...so tired." Hanni pushed back a curl and he made an inhuman growl.

Moze flinched and nearly tried to throw himself from Hanni's arms, but the hold was too tight, not bruising, but just inescapable. Perhaps he should have let Ninhursag violate him. There was no knowing what this man might do. At least Ninhursag was a known entity...this man was entierly unknown. Was he man? God? Beast? Spirit? What even WAS he?

"They hurt you."

"Maybe they dropped me on the way up. Who knows?" It wasn't a big deal. They'd thrown rocks at him before. One had tried to drown him in the river. It seemed they didn't mind tormenting him, even though they'd all silently agreed to let the goddess tear him to shreds.

Hanni snarled. But he kept walking.

Moze went silent. He didn't want to be at the wrong side of that anger. Whatever Hanni was, it seemed he wasn't going to hurt him. Moze just would have to get away before the man or beast figured out he wasn't whoever Hanni thought he was. He'd survived one god, perhaps he could pull out another trick.

The walk continued and somewhere in the night, Moze fell asleep in Hanni's arms.

-

Moze woke to arms around him. It wasn't right. It couldn't be safe. Was someone going to try to smother him? He screamed and shoved himself away. He landed on the floor with a yelp and scooted into the corner, away from the half naked man who'd held him. The half-naked man who had to be twice his age, at least. The one who Moze couldn't SEE...the one who could be man or beast.

"Masayi?" Hanni's voice called. He sat up in the bed then paused a frown etched his face. "Have I frightened you?" He lowered himself to the ground, making himself smaller, trying to be as non-threatening as possible.

Moze didn't like being treated like a frightened animal, but wasn't that what he was?

Hanni sighed. "I'm sorry. That was terribly rude of me. I took you to our bed...I wanted you safe. But you do not know me as your lover. It is unspeakable for me to take you to my bed like that. I'm just used to you there... It's been near two decades. I haven't slept well since..." Hanni took a shuttering breath. "I won't touch you...not unless you will it."

"What are you?"

Hanni's face broke into further torment. "I am a god of death."

Moze flinched.

"I would not hurt you, Moze. I wish to do you no harm. I only want to heal you." Hanni sighed then frowned. "You're covered in bruises." He bit into his own wrist until blood lazily began to flow. His eyes were filled with hope as he held his wrist out. "Take a drink. Blood of a god of death, freely given, it can heal."

Moze's eyes narrowed slightly...but he did feel like he'd been dropped. His body ached and he could feel bruises. And...he was curious. What did the blood of a god taste like? If it was cursed and he died, well his fate hadn't changed at all since the alter, so he'd already earned more time than he should have. Why not risk it? He leaned forward and licked at the wound and...his bruises throbbed less. The blood tasted like blood, metallic and salty with...something more under it, but it did heal. He licked the blood again and he saw a bruise on his wrist fade from deep purple to blotchy gray.

"Don't be shy." Hanni encouraged.

Moze wrapped his lips around the bite wound and took a mouthful. He felt something, not unlike a rope come untied from around his chest. He quickly pulled away and swallowed, finding his body no longer sore. "Thank you, Hanni." It would be rude not to thank him. And he didn't want to end up dead.

The wound resealed and Hanni reached out and stroked his curls. "Always. Now, I shall leave you to your rest and I will bring you food and proper clothes. You will want for nothing, Masayi."

Moze didn't correct him. Whatever delusion the god was under, it was best to feed it for now. If not, he might get angry. Moze watched the god leave, trying very hard not to admire his graceful walk. This god of death seemed to always be in control. Even his pace was controlled as he left the room. Moze looked around the room, trying to learn about his surroundings, trying to find a way out.

The room was larger than the home he'd had in the village. It was not a room that belonged to one man. There was proof in the shoes and robes, two different sizes. And the bed had two distinct dips in it from two people. This Hanni was convinced that Moze was Masayi, the missing partner, if Moze was correct. He could read the room, there was love in it, tenderness. The god of death was capable of it, that was good.

Moze would have to use that, but also not overuse it. The god would discover that Moze wasn't his mate at some point and that would be another loss to the god. Moze didn't want to be their when the anger and grief hit the death god.

Moze just needed to form a plan, figure a way out, then go.

There was a knock on the door, gentle, unassuming.

For the first time since the alter, he thought he had some control. He could tell the god to go away and he had the distinct feeling that he would. Moze wouldn't do that. He needed him to be on his side, to trust him. But still, he didn't want to be nude in front of the god. He climbed into bed and pulled up the covers to hide himself. "Come in."

Hanni stepped into the room with that same quiet grace. He carried a tray of food and gently set it down on the bed. "You are a slip of a thing, did they feed you well?" Hanni asked worriedly.

Moze frowned. He ate well enough. Not as much as the others, but he ate enough. "Yes."

Hanni's face held concern. He gently cupped Moze's chin. "So young. You never told me how cute you were in your youth." He chuckled quietly. "I've missed you."

Lying would not bode well here. "Me?" He let his confusion flow naturally.

"Only you." Hanni grinned and ruffled his hair. It felt pleasant and strange. "You must be uncomfortable, in a stranger's bed without your clothes." He stood and walked away, grabbing a set of clothes from a chest. "Might be a little large, you're not yet fully grown. They'll fit well enough."

Moze looked at them and sensed a trap. They were Hanni's mate's clothes. Should he put on such an intimate thing? Though, he wasn't sure he wanted to be nude around this god of death. "You...admit to being a stranger, yet don't find me to be one?"

"It's..." Hanni opened his mouth, trying to speak. His voice wouldn't come out. Anger flashed in his dark brown eyes. "Sorry." He breathed slowly. "I can't say it. I'm not able."

"Could you write it?" Moze asked.

"I tried. Ninhursag said she tried to say it to you and couldn't. I think it's just one of those things." Hanni frowned. "But yes, I know I'm a stranger to you. I'm sorry." He nudged the food toward him. "Please eat."

Moze looked at it. "Is it poisoned?"

"I'd never."

"God of death...just checking." Moze shrugged before lifting the plate onto his lap, then taking a small bite. It was the best thing he'd ever had and he couldn't stop the moan that came from his mouth. He dug in, suddenly starving.

"Glad to know you have your appetite." Hanni sighed, pleased. He knelt by the bed. "What name do you go by?"

Moze froze and looked over at the handsome man. "Moze."

Hanni took up his free hand and kissed his knuckles. "A pleasure, Moze."

The touch was so tender Moze pulled away. It felt wrong to take something so genuine from the man. Hanni was obviously very in love and to have that poured onto him felt like theft. He couldn't do it. Couldn't take what wasn't his. That would be rude...unjust.

-

Hanni wasn't a bad captor, all things considered. He cooked wonderful meals, played soft music, told stories... He was polite, charming, kind and ruthless, but never to Moze. But Moze knew the god had made death rain on his old home. Hanni had told him that. Hanni never touched him either. Moze could see him restrain himself every time they drew close. 

Moze didn't think he was a prisoner, really. Moze didn't really consider Hanni a captor either, though he wasn't allowed outside of the house. Hanni was truly convinced that he was his lover, Masayi. Moze could do almost anything he wanted. Except go outside. When he asked why he couldn't go, three weeks into his capture, Hanni's eyes had widened in fear.

"Humans are so fragile. There are rocks and cliffs and snakes and beasts and what if you trip? What if you're too far when you call for help and I can't hear you? What if it's too late? No...I want you close, where I can keep you safe."

The look in his eyes was wounded. He'd obviously lost Masayi and this was some fractured mind's attempt to try to fix it, to make it right.

Moze pitied him. Though he couldn't read Hanni as he could anyone else, he knew the god of death was good, kind. He lived by a different set of morals, certainly. When Moze learned SOMEONE was for dinner, he'd nearly lost his mind, nearly ran. That night, Hanni was going to prepare him a heart fresh from someone's chest (said it was some sort of gift) and Moze had to explain to the god why it was wrong. Hanni had promised not to serve him people unless asked after that. Moze promised he'd never asked to be served his fellow man. But he couldn't fault Hanni that, he was a god after all, humans were like ants to them.

They fell into a comfortable rhythm.

Moze didn't want to run away.

-

In a few years, Hanni hadn't snapped, hadn't realized he was chasing a lover that was gone. Moze had grown into the borrowed clothes all too well...and he hated it. He hated it because he didn't want to run away. He liked it when Hanni touched him in passing. He liked the cherishing looks and the kindness and love.

He'd never felt any of this before. He felt like he belonged somewhere, with someone. He felt loved, cherished. And his whole life he'd only ever felt like the other. Which made it all the worse.

Hanni didn't love Moze. Hanni loved his lost lover: Masayi.

It broke Moze's heart a bit at a time.

He wished that he WAS Masayi, so that the love Hanni had in his heart would be truly his.

-

Moze walked into the kitchen to watch Hanni cook. It was an experience, a treat to watch. Hanni was beautiful while he cooked. Well, he was always beautiful, but especially beautiful in the kitchen. 

"Might I have that bowl?" Hanni asked gently, pointing next to Moze.

Without a word, Moze retreived it and shivered as Hanni touched him as he gave the bowl up. The simple touch sent a wave of pleasure into his belly. Arousal seemed to be a common thread around Hanni, more and more. Moze disliked it, it made him feel so much shame, lusting after a man who clearly loved someone else. And he didn't feel comfortable taking care of himself, not while wearing the clothes meant for Hanni's mate, nor in the bed Hanni shared with Masayi. It felt like a betrayal. A stain on something too pure to be touched.

Moze turned to leave. Hanni grabbed his wrist quickly. 

"Why are you leaving me?" Hanni whispered.

"Just...want to wash for dinner, that's all." It was a lie. Moze hated lying to him.

Hanni sighed. "Why do you hide yourself from me? I can smell it, smell your need, your want, your craving. I want nothing more than to satisfy you, yet you hide in shame, from me. You don't need shame, Moze. It hurts me that you do not even think to ask. All you have to do is ask. I'd give you anything. Everything." Hanni frowned. "Or is it the opposite? Do you fear me still? Moze, I would never hurt you." He promised, his fingers drawing soothing circles on his wrist.

"I'm not afraid of you." Moze whispered. He was afraid of his own love, his own heart and the inevitable break it would suffer.

Hanni looked at him cautiously, then slowly pulled Moze toward him, until their bodies were flush together. Hanni wrapped an arm around his waist, cupping his spine gently with one hand, his other hand combing through Moze's curls. "Do you want me?"

There was no use in lying. Moze's traitorous body was proof enough. "Yes."

"Do you love me?" Hanni cupped his jaw, fingers still idly playing with a stray curl.

"Yes." Moze tried not to let tears well up in his eyes.

Hanni tilted Moze's head up. "I love you too." Hanni leaned down, lips so close...

Moze couldn't resist. He knew he'd hate himself for it, but he pressed upward, letting his lips meet the god's. It felt like heaven. Tasted like it too. "Mmm."

Hanni deepened the kiss and it was so easy, so easy to believe that he loved Moze, not just the man he looked like. Hanni pressed against him and Moze was relieved to know he wasn't alone in his arousal. Moze rocked against him, testing, seeking a little friction as they kissed.

Hanni pulled back and rested his forehead against Moze's. "May I have you, my love?"

"Yes. Please."

Hanni grinned, and gripped his ass. Easy as can be, he lifted Moze with one hand, his other hand still in Moze's curls. On instinct, Moze wrapped his legs around the older man as he was carried to bed.

Hanni kept his promise. Moze had never felt so much pleasure before. The tender touchs almost felt like being worshiped. He'd been afraid, afraid of being torn open by Hanni, but the man had been so gentle, so attentive, he had barely even felt discomfort. In fact, he'd almost felt like a weight had come off of him, like something tight and binding had come lose, but not quite gone away. It didn't matter what it was. For the first time, Moze truly found himself warm, happy, sated...loved, as he lay, pressed to Hanni's side.

It felt like they fit together. Hanni's arm around a hip, the other hand in his curls. Moze was sure his head was meant to fit against his chest, over his heart.

"I love you." Hanni whispered, his voice thick with sleep.

"I love you, Hann." Moze responded. He could tell the god was falling asleep and he was proud of it. The god seemed perpetually awake, unable to sleep after his loss. Moze was happy to know the god could rest with him.

With his last waking breath, Hanni spoke, "Goodnight, Mas." Then he was asleep.

Moze was suddenly wide awake. The afterglow was gone.

Mas.

A.

Not O.

A.

Hanni hadn't made love to Moze that night, he'd been making love to a memory.

Moze had always known he wasn't worth such a pure love, but it hurt so much, to be nothing but a replacement...a pale replacement. Tears ran down his face. He'd never felt so much pain.

-

Hanni woke, so happy. He could feel it, a weight off the curse. All but one thing had been done... Moze had refused to eat a human heart. Hanni wasn't even sure cooking a heart would suffice. When he'd 'defiled' Masayi, they'd shared a god's heart raw...perhaps the curse would be that specific. Hanni couldn't figure out how he'd make that one work without breaking his promise. But he was glad that his lover was this close. He was so like himself, just...he seemed like he was half asleep. Living as half of himself, part of him trapped away, desperate to get out.

He didn't know how he'd free his lover, but he was happy to have this. The closeness was enough. He gently rubbed the younger man's shoulder. "Morning, Moze."

The younger man blinked his eyes open. He looked tired, strangely. "Hanni." he greeted, then blushed and hid his face.

"You don't need to hide yourself from me, beloved. You are beautiful." Hanni assured him. This shy side of Masayi wasn't one he was used to. But it was endearing. "Feel alright?"

Moze nodded.

Hanni kissed his head. "I shall make you a feast, my lover. We should have something lovely this morning. What would you like? I shall give you anything you wish."

Moze blinked and looked up at him. His eyes considering. "Could...we have that rice again? With the flowers?"

"Saffron?" Hanni asked. He didn't have anymore saffron. It would be a bit of a trip, but what Masayi craved, he would get. "Of course, beloved. And what would you like for meat?" He kissed his temple.

"Whatever you would like. You always get the best."

Hanni was glad to provide for his lover. He kissed his lips again and Moze made a weak, almost pained noise, a moan. "I will make a feast for you. Please...rest. You won't know I was gone."

Moze grinned and kissed him, closing his eyes. "I will rest, but I'll miss you."

"Then I won't be gone very long." Hanni promised, getting up and grabbing his clothes. He'd be back soon to curl up with his lover, to eat and make love again, if Moze wished it. "Love you."

"Love you." Moze answered before Hanni left.

When Hanni returned a couple hours later, the house was quiet. "Moze?" He went to the bedroom and opened the door. The bed was neat, no clothes were taken. Moze was a shy young man, he wouldn't wander around without clothes. He was likely in the bath...except he wasn't.

Hanni went to the kitchen and saw a note on the counter.

'Hanni,

I'm sorry. I know you miss him, but I'm not your Masayi. I do love you and I love you so deeply that it hurts, it cuts me to my soul. You lost him, I know and I know you can't say how. But...maybe you can get him back. You can't have him back if you're grieving, clinging to an ugly, poorly made duplicate. If anyone could find him, it would be you.

Thank you, for last night. It was the most loved I have ever felt in my life. Perfect in every way. But I can't do this. I took something that wasn't mine. It feels like I'm trying to wear a false skin...like I've stolen something precious. I can't live in his shadow. You love him, more than you could ever love me. I heard you...whispering his name. I know...maybe part of you loves me...but it is only because I may look like him. I'm not him and I apologize for that. I wish I were so lucky to be the center of your true affections.

Go, find him. Love him. You deserve the perfection you seek, not me.

I love you,

I'm sorry,

Moze'

Tears ran down Hanni's face. He had to find Moze. He had to try to explain. The magic made it so he couldn't talk to Moze about the curse, couldn't reason him through it. Apparently not even Ninhursag had been able to get the words out, to explain it to Moze. Hanni had to find a way to show him. Perhaps a bite of a heart would fix it all. There had to be something.

He ran from the house and took a deep breath, trying to find Moze's scent. He chased it through the woods, the human couldn't have gone far. Hanni was familiar with the forest. It had been one of their homes for a time. Moze couldn't have gone too far. He wouldn't have. He'd left the house bare. Or...had Moze not felt comfortable taking what he thought was someone else's clothes?

'like a false skin' Moze had written.

Hanni rushed to the river and paused. He lost Moze's scent. Had the clever fox used the water to hide where he'd gone? Hanni looked for a place to cross. Had Moze grabbed onto the vines to gain his balance? They were torn in several places. But then he saw a imprints in the wet earth. Feet...and a rock? Had a rock moved? Why had Moze needed a rock?

-

Moze waded out, stone tied to him by vines. The deeper he moved, the heavier the rock became...until it was too heavy. He needed something to hold him down or he might panic. Drowning was not easy, nor peaceful. It was horrifying...but less painful than loving someone who could never truly love him back.

He died, thinking of Hanni's lips...his smile...his kiss...and how they were all meant for Masayi.

A bite gripped Masayi's neck and he sputtered, coughing up water at the edge of the Styx as he woke in the Underworld. It seemed that Garmr had fished him out of the water. The hellhound whimpered in displeasure.

"Fuck!" Masayi screamed, then screamed again until his voice hurt. He slammed his hands against the ground. "No! NO NO! I want to go back! How did I not know? Why couldn't I remember?!" He sobbed, holding his knees to his chest. He longed for Hanni's arms. But he knew...soon he'd be reborn and he wouldn't even know who Hanni was.

The pain was too much.

His mother knew all too well how to punish people.

-

Hanni sobbed as he drug his lover to the shore. He cried into those beautiful curls and prayed to every god and goddess he could think of. He just wanted his lover back. He just wanted the curse broken. He couldn't take this. It hurt far too much. He'd been so close...so close.

If Masayi's mother hadn't buried herself so deep in hiding, Hanni would rip her apart, inch by inch for eternity for this.

Hanni sobbed, but carried his lover to the house. He would clean him, bathe him, dress him in fine clothes, put him to rest, and fill his pockets with payment...hopefully his lover could make his way to his parents and at least find peace for however long he was dead. He had to take care of his lover, no matter what. And he would fight. He would try again. He would have his lover back and one day they'd find a way to end this curse.

They wouldn't be stopped.

-

Masayi looked down at his fine clothes, he hadn't worn clothes when he'd died. He knew it was Hanni. He reached into his pocket and drew out parchment this time.

'Masayi,

I ache for you. I do not blame you for what you did, I will never let you feel that pain again. I love you so much. We will get this right. You and I will be together, I promise you. Please, go to my home, find some peace there while you can. When you are reborn, know that I will walk the world day and night until I find you. I will not rest...and we will be together. I promise, my love.

I love you and miss you so,

Hanni'

Masayi wiped the tears from his eyes and stood. He held out the flower to Charon. The ferryman took the payment and helped him aboard. 

"Please...take me to Hades. I am Hanni's mate. I need to get back to him."

Charon grunted and paddled quickly, the flower tucked into his robe.

Masayi bowed his head and cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Moze was a purposeful choice, it is a Lithuanian name that means 'saved from the water' used ironically here, of course, because I'm an asshole.  
> I'm gonna go cry now.  
> Take care.


End file.
